I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
