my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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