Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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