i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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