I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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