It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
