im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
