Your mouth is God's brothel.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
