a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
