And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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