if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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