Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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