The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
