I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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