have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
