I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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