you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
