ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
