So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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