i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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