Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
