One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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