Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
