she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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