I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
