the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
