I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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