Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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