Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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