My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So much rum. So many feels.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
