Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
