so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize