Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
