you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need to calm my uterus...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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