Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
