Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
