Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
