Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
