This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
