somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They took my balls.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
