He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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