i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
