My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
