Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
