i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
