its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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