If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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