and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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