New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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