i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
