You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
